Twisted Inspirational thoughts

Today is a happy day because you're a survivor. If you're reading this you survived sids as a child. Congratulations!

Too many #firstworldproblems

This is how my day started. *alarm sounding* The most annoying sound ever. As I tried to get out of bed a sharp stabbing pain demobilized me, making fall back into bed. Great another day yelling at the kid to get ready for school. Yelling at her to get ready whilst i lay paralyzed in bed. Not really caring if she was getting ready or not.
Driving to work with excruciating pain but hey I need the money so fuck it. Hoping today I make at least $100. Ha. yea cause the last couple of shifts have been shitty. I could probably make more money showing my floppy tits on the corner. They would at minimum pay me to put them away. Okay great now im late. My phone got cut off ( 1st first world problem) can not call work to let them know I am a few minutes late.


Pay the phone bill.
Bank account hates me.

WORK>>>>
Boss calls me as I walk in because the cell phone gods have finally processed my payment and turned my phone back on. Awesome. The day gets better as we all get free redbulls from some random girls who promote this disgusting energy drink. It pleases me to think that when I get off work I'll be able to enjoy a boost of energy. I safely, or so I thought, place my sweet FREE redbull can near my Kors purse and hoodie. Back to work or lack of it. Work sucks per usual. Same dumb folk. If I ask if you would like more time to make a decision and your answer is no but yet you stay opened mouth starring at the menu and not responding.... Mam, I can give you a few minutes and I promise I'll return. I am not disappearing into a black hole leaving you to starve. I return. Mam, are you ready to place your order? Stares open mouth at me with empty eyes... okay. May I make a suggestion? Continues to stare at nothing. I begin to wonder if this person is special and that I should have more patience. She finally orders and this was the the beginning of the end of my patience with work. Whatever the shift is over. Im excited for my redbull.

I walk to my purse where I strategically placed my precious FREE redbull. Its no where to be seen. Okay, maybe im not looking. I look. And look. and its no where to be seen. Maybe I'm crazy. I ask around if anyone has seen the redbull that obviously grew wings and flew away leaving me lonely like all the assholes in life do. My redbull left me. Left me alone and angry. Now the only energy I have is fueled by the anger brewing inside of me. Im upset someone has stolen my redbull ( 2nd first world problem).
This day is dumb. The weather sucks. Work sucked. My life sucks ( first world problem thinking).
My back hurts too much to go on. I feel like shit. Lets go to the doctor. Nothing noteworthy happens at the doctors office. The exception being the shot of Toradol to my arm for my back pain felt worse than the back pain itself.

STARBUCKS.
Yes, that boost of fake energy needed to drive in rush hour traffic. To stay awake or not because for less than $8 I can survive through traffic. This is were the day gets even shittier. Lactose intolerant... lets substitute and get SOY. A SOY pumpkin spice latte because what else would a basic bitch drink on a rainy day? Lets see, the barista asked if I still wanted the whipped cream. I politely and adamantly reply No, no thank you. Always thinking of my self diagnosed lactose intolerant issue. I would rather not be gassy in traffic thank you very much.

My latte is ready.

The other barista yells " soy pumpkin latte w.... " in my excited anticipation I say thank you as she finishes with "whip". At this point I already have the drink in my hand. My smile drops and just the look of disappointment and sadness appear on my face. I stubbornly walk to the trash and throw the whip out. I dont have time for a remake which I'm sure they would have made. ( 3rd first world problem). My latte was made by idiots.

Traffic.
Im driving behind a truck. Everyone else is passing the truck as I stupidly stay right behind it cursing it for being so slow. ( 4th first world problem). There is indeed another lane I could easily merge onto but will I? No... because I chose this lane. I chose to be this dumb and slow today.

I realize that there are bigger problems in the world today. No one cares that someone stole my redbull or that it may have fallen and rolled under the cabinet. No one cares that Im not allergic to whip cream and just prefer to be gas free. I ate cheese at work earlier... Anyway, everyone who drives has experienced traffic RUSH HOUR doesnt change . Its always around the same time. No one cares. But these are my problems and my rants. Yes, there are bombings and torture and homeless people and the world sucks. But my little bubble that I am currently in, well, these are my problems. I am glad Im not being bombed or tortured or homeless (for now). It doesn't mean I dont have the right to complain or express myself. I tell my story to humor people not for pity because overall everything is quite funny at this point. Might be the pain meds talking but Im fine with the events of this horrible day. This is my rant because apparently people on facebook took it too personal. If you choose to read what I write you are allowed your own opinion but your negativity is not welcome. No one is forcing you to read my poor writing but if you are that person and would like to go back and forth just for shits and giggle... please do comment. or dont. It doesnt matter. And just like any other basic bitch...

I'll do what we do when our world is falling apart... do something extreme to my hair. Time to finish drying it out with some bleach and hope it turns everything "bad " that has occurred today into something beautiful . Otherwise i'll just shave my head.


Too many first world problems that im slightly ashamed but then again NO ONE CARES> lol

tell. dont tell.

i say what i feel i tell you what you want to hear you say you hear me you say you feel me i dont understand why you dont need me all i say is wrong all i say is truth you hurt me i keep coming i dont know how to let go you go you dont want me to go. i stay and i push myself away i want to leave but you can leave me oh the predicament i want you you know you want me not in the same way but its all the want a person can i embrace this bottle of wine i down every drop \thinking of you is a curse a curse i would gladly take every dday to take you in fuck this shit it doesnt make sense this is where the hate grows and the love hurts.

i came here to this farm. hahahah you made me raise my voice. i dont do that. i dont yell. i dont get angry. its not your fault. its not mine either. no one is at fault. its just a common place with common emotions the emotions a girl feels the one she tries to hide she doesnt want to cry., the tears just come down from her eyes. the band plays the music is on one more drink and it will all be gone. down my throat to my gut i feel the pour all through my gut it feels good to feel something else . something else thats not good at all its not hurt so its okay its a feeling thats all that she wanted. to feel something less than pain.

No One Knows

I find it kind of funny i find it kind of strange. This burning. This ache it wont go away. I feel it deep deep inside my brain he brought me something. something to fix the pain. it wont go away. it stays the same. this ache he left when he went away

breathe

as you exhale i inhale because you are the breath that gives me life

eh

in a room full of strangers i dont feel alone. in my bedroom full of air i try to feel. i can be myself all alone. its what it is what can be done if its all we had then now its gone.